Author: Bjorn Knoxley

The U.S. Postal Service has been losing the battle for market share with e-mail, Federal Express, and United Parcel Service for years. As expenses have increased income has not kept pace. As an experiment in providing new and innovative services at a low cost the Powell post office has begun training pigeons to replace standard…

Due to a horrible error in scheduling it appears that the Lady Vols basketball team faced the Florida football team on 9/21/2002 in a match-up that will long be remembered in Knoxville. Although they fought well for women that don’t play football, they simply were unable to keep pace with Florida. As of the publication…

Gordon “Rocky” Edens, age 42, recently achieved a life-long dream, gaining recognition for setting a new world-record. Gordon has lived his life in search of the one record that he could break. Months at a time have been spent focusing on different talents such as juggling, walking on his hands, eating hotdogs, and pulling trailers…

William Carrigan loves his parents, and until recently, has maintained a pleasant relationship with them. They met at least once a week for dinner and he often attended church or other events with them. But recently, Carrigan has been checking his Caller ID and ignoring phone calls from his mother. “It all started in my…

Controversial interim library director Charles Davenport is rumored to be making drastic changes to the library system that will have wide, earth-shaking implications through all branches of the Knoxville/Knox County government. Most library directors go unnoticed by the majority of Knoxvillians, and in fact, up to now, most people did not even know one existed,…

At 9:20 on Monday night, September 2, Roger Mulberry was peacefully sleeping in his bed at the Baptist Hospital in downtown Knoxville dreaming about the war. Sometime between 9:20 and 9:22, he was startled awake by the sounds, flashing lights, and vibrations of repeated explosions. According to documents obtained from the nurse’s station, he forgot…

On a practice dig local archeologist William Cross discovered what he claims to be the prototype for the wheel. ‘It’s important for an archeologist to practice his craft,’ claims Mr. Cross ‘so I’ve been visiting landfills on weekends to practice my digging. It’s usually rather easy work, mainly just sifting through old Metropulse newspapers that…

‘Broadway hit’ means very little to me. I don’t care if something was a hit somewhere else at some point in time. I’ve seen marketing professionals pile on all forms of adjectives to get my attention (one organization is currently marketing a ‘Broadway-style’ performance in Knoxville). But…for what it’s worth ‘Art’ was a hit on…

Late yesterday afternoon, a boatload of Cubans rowed ashore at Volunteer Landing. The Coast Guard was befuddled trying to determine how the Cubans were able to miss Florida and row up the Mississippi, make a right onto the Ohio, and another right onto the Tennessee, then traverse the state several times while going through the…

Most local media outlets across the country use sources such as the Associated Press (AP) or Reuters to supply reliable, reasonably accurate national and international news. For local stories, these outlets maintain teams of highly skilled investigative reporters who scout out news, interview witnesses, and deliver their findings to consumers in the form of articles…

Next month, a statue of John Denver will be unveiled at McGhee Tyson Airport. Denver was the ever-popular singer of such tunes as “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” and “Calypso.” The statue, made of some sort of metal, will stand at the head of the fountain in the airport terminal entryway, just before the…

Joseph Black made a startling discovery recently behind Knoxville Municipal Golf Course in North Knoxville when test driving a new Land Rover. Black stated “Before buying a vehicle this expensive, you want to make sure it can really go off-road. I thought driving across the rolling fairways and hazards would be the ideal test. I…

Mary Sue Avogadro, self-titled ‘most trusted source for news in the United States’, has unleashed a startling story. Luckily, thanks to her insightful newsgathering, we are able to bring you the news before it happens – allowing you ample time to prepare. According to Mary Sue, Knoxville will be hit by a catastrophic potato famine…

Late last night, Clinton Highway Wal-Mart Parking Lot Rent-a-Cop Allen Harvey reported finding “parking lot circles” near the Taco Bell corner of the Wal-Mart parking area. The circles are perfectly symmetrical and lined in such a way that he suspects aliens were involved. “These circles were just too perfect to have been put there by…

The internationally acclaimed Relics of the Australian Outback tour will be making a stop at the Knoxville Museum of Art. Although technically not “art,” the collection of relics will be on display at the art museum for the next three months. Amber Perkins, KMA spokesperson, explained that the museum is open to cultural attractions of…