“At first, people were just being mean,” said an unnamed source at local pet care giant, Pet Safe, “Then it really got out of control. People were growling at each other at meetings. I even got bitten by a co-worker just because I brushed him while passing in the hall, a complete accident by the…
Author: Ima Jeane Poole
TLC cancels Kate + 8, replaces it with Hillbilly Toe Fishing
TLC has cancelled the once popular Kate + 8 this season due to lack of viewers. TLC is replacing the show with Hillbilly Toe Fishing. Hillbilly Toe Fishing, similar to the already popular Hillbilly Hand Fishing, is a show based out of Knoxville, TN, where the host shows tourists how to ‘noodle’, fish for catfish…
Michelle Obama applauds McDonalds for changes in kid’s menu
Obama congratulates the national chain on adding apples to it’s kid’s meals. This is a positive step towards solving childhood obesity. The next step, according to Obama, is to ban restaurants that don’t follow McDonald’s lead. “Clearly, the only thing that can solve obesity is regulation,” states Obama. “By closing restaurants that allow parents to…
Oak Ridge leads the way by eliminating all postal deliveries
Based on a projected $8.3 billion loss this year, the postal service is scrambling to make up the lost funds. The Postmaster General has suggested cutting Saturday deliveries, bringing the delivery week to 5 days. The Oak Ridge Postal service has come up with a much more dramatic plan to cut costs. Starting September 1,…
Knoxville fashion week features skeletons as models
Kenneth Cole’s Knoxville runway debut featured male skeleton’s wearing the famous label’s Fall Line. With ‘manorexia’ on the rise, we just couldn’t find any male models that were thin enough and still had the strength to walk the runway. Women tend to be stronger even when malnourished, allowing them to work longer. With no male…
Miss SC lost 110 pounds before winning pageant, reveals secret
While on tour in Knoxville, Tennessee as part of her official duties, the 22-year old Bree Boyce let the world in on a huge secret. She lost 110 pounds before becoming Miss South Carolina. “I want to let people know, you know, to inspire them,” says Boyce, “People think that you have to workout or…
Michael Vick brings cock fighting to Knoxville, gets Nike endorsement back
NIKE has officially re-signed Eagles quarterback, Michael Vick to endorsement deals. Â “We feel that our actions dropping Vick four years ago, might have been rash,” say NIKE officials, “While we don’t condone his behavior, we feel that he has made positive changes to better himself off the field.” About his 21 month stint in prison,…
Rash of elderly diaper inspection continues in Knoxville airport
The Transportation Security Administration has denied that its agents required a 95-year-old woman to remove her adult diaper last week before allowing her to pass a screening checkpoint at McGhee Tyson Airport. “We didn’t request that she remove her diaper, only that she allow us to inspect it. Removal was completely up to her. We…