Category: News

In the past year, Knoxville has gone from 79th to 60th on the list of best-cities. When asked what would be needed to move Knoxville into the top 50, a member of the California think tank that provides the rankings stated that, “It should be fairly simple for Knoxville to move forward, you simply need…

Refinery outages along the Gulf coast in the wake of Hurricane Gustav have caused problems at several refineries. Misinterpreting this to include sugar refineries, thousands of baking and snacking enthusiasts have descended upon the grocery stores. “Knoxville has been out of marshmallow creme for days, and that’s just the start of it. We’ve been buying…

Rumors are circulating that Fox and Farmer, a prominent Knoxville law firm that fell for a scam promising a 60% rate of return for mailing money out of state, has fallen prey to yet another scam. Sources say that they have invested heavily in a series of ocean front real estate developments throughout the state…

Maryville College’s student body is in for several changes this fall, as environmental initiatives expand. As reported by the Knoxville News Sentinel, one of the first steps in this initiative was to remove trays from the dining area to cut waste. The biggest change yet, announced this morning, is the elimination of all desks from…

The recent filming of an X-rated video in a park somewhere in Bartlett, Tennessee would have raised eyebrows in the past. However, the fact that a “tramp” exposes herself on a playground has been deemed higher quality viewing than “Outsiders Inn” from CMT. According to the Parents Television Council, at least the X-rated video shows…

Religious authorities in Halls, Tennessee have begun the search for a girl who could be as young as nine or ten to serve as the new Kumari, or the virgin “living goddess”, in a centuries-old tradition to elevate one young girl each decade above the socioeconomic status at which she was born into. The process…

An unnamed Knoxville attorney and Boss Hogg impersonator has requested that all candidates for 2008 elections undergo sex testing. For weeks now, members of a special ‘genital committee’ have been designing a special laboratory to determine the sex of any candidates taking part in this year’s election. “Suspected candidates will be evaluated from their external…

The Health Department announced today that the West Knox Virus has been confirmed in the 37914 area code. Although contained during the past three years, the West Knox Virus has the potential to cause severe turmoil in our region. The disease is spread when sycophants and other West Knox creatures feed on shallow pools of…

Anderson County Commission voted to raid its ‘rainy day’ reserve on July 15. Although the decision was made with good intentions, to avoid raising taxes…readers of the Oak Ridger have pointed out that it did NOT rain on July 15, and that it was, in fact, sunny. Whether or not this means that Anderson County…

Capitalizing on the continued popularity of the High School Musical movies, the 4th in the series is to begin filming this Fall, even before High School Musical 3 is released. High School Musical 4, the Magnet School Adventure is to film at Vine Magnet School in Knoxville. Although the script is a closely guarded secret,…

The pastor of a West Knoxville church that handles Kentuckians in religious rites was among 7 people arrested by officers in a crackdown on stupid rednecks. Handling Kentuckians is practiced by a small number of people in the United States, the type that think Britney Spears is hot and that Jesco White will still have…

Here’s to 50 more years, thanks for the laughs so far. Knoxville News Sentinel.

The Oak Ridge Observer announced today that they’ve finally observed all that they can stand. A branding campaign is underway to better associate with readers, and a new name is in the wings. Soon to be known as the Oak Ridge Disregarder, the focus will be more attuned with the aptitudes and actions of those…

Seriously, Knox County Mayor Mike Ragsdale is the speaker for the Farragut / West Knox Chamber of Commerce breakfast on July 15. Registration is available at $25-$35 per guest. Maybe they just booked him a long time ago and can’t find a way out of it…

After being cleared of illegal activity, Mayor Ragsdale is ready to move forward and cure the woes of Knox County. In order to update his image, a public relations firm has been hired to create a new slogan and logo to represent his efforts. Word is that he will drop his title and name, and…