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Krispy Kreme tests dinner menu

Posted on March 19, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

As Stabucks gears up to offer breakfast items, Krispy Kreme is developing a dinner menu in hopes to entice more evening customers. The menu, not for the health conscious, is tailored to win over customers that would request a ‘biggie’ or ‘value’ sized fast-food dinner. The bare-bones menu, being test-marketed here in Knoxville for only…

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Disturbing trend at Denny’s restaurants intensifies

Posted on March 17, 2006September 30, 2016 by Bjorn Knoxley

After three fatal shootings in as many days, matters have worsened at some Denny’s restaurants. Initial reports indicate that aside from the shootings, some people are actually being forced to go inside the restaurant and eat. Details are a bit too graphic for print, but it has been verified that at least one unnamed victim…

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Suicide ruled out for Knoxville drowning victim

Posted on March 16, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

Officials say that they have ruled out suicide for the lady whose body was found in the water at Volunteer Landing Marina earlier this week. The KPD has released information that the body, wrapped in plastic and duct tape and weighted with a cinderblock, did NOT have a suicide note with it…leaving homicide as the…

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Upside down pentagram license plate proposed by Donna Rowland

Posted on March 13, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

Donna Rowland, a Republican lawmaker from Murfreesboro, recently proposed putting the Christian fish symbol on Tennessee license plates. Soon after, it was brought to her attention that it is not considered proper for the state to sanction religion. Rather than back down on her request for a Christian symbol, she has proposed that the upside…

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Violent video games cause more than brats

Posted on March 8, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

A new report indicates that violent video games have caused more than you might have expected. In addition to bratty and obnoxious children and teens, violence in video games has led to: The war in Iraq. Iran’s nuclear aspirations. Hillary Clinton’s facial expressions. George Clooney. Apparently the Bush administration, Iran’s mullahs, and Saddam met regularly…

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Human people who walk on hands discovered in Karns

Posted on March 7, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

Researchers working in Karns stumbled across a rare group of humans that walk on their hands. The researchers were studying fruit bat migratory patterns in and around the Karns area and discovered the hand-walkers accidentally late one night. They were tossing socks loaded with rocks up in the air around street lights trying to catch…

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City Council meeting turns ugly

Posted on March 6, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

Last night’s Oak Ridge City Council meeting is one to remember. Nothing on the agenda was out of the ordinary, but during heated discussion about how best to execute a preemptive strike against Claxton, Bud Sherbet stood to his feet. After hesitating for a few seconds, he began jumping up and down, yelling “I want…

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Pellissippi State to offer classes on attending classes at UT

Posted on March 6, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

Increasing competition from entities such as South College has forced Pellissippi State to reformat many of its class offerings in order to remain competitive. After interviewing nearly 100% of the 2005 class, it has been found that the most needed skills are those that allow one to properly handle paperwork and find a place to…

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Krispy Kreme to offer dinner menu

Posted on March 5, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

As Stabucks gears up to offer breakfast items, Krispy Kreme is developing a dinner menu in hopes to entice more evening customers. The menu, not for the health conscious, is tailored to win over customers that would request a ‘biggie’ or ‘value’ sized fast-food dinner. The bare-bones menu, being test-marketed here in Knoxville for only…

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More problems for beleaguered KFD Chief Carlos Perez

Posted on March 2, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

Questionable decisions and practices surrounding Knoxville Fire Department Chief Carlos Perez continue to raise eyebrows. Chief Perez has recently been in the press for overtime spending, various expense-related issues such as a $100,000 shower facility, and for not necessarily providing equal treatment to transgendered fire persons. If one is to believe the rumor mill, however,…

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WATE Pothole Patrol starts investigative news battle among Knoxville stations

Posted on February 28, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

With a fierce battle for viewers, WATE has scored a solid win in the competition for the news audience by introducing the WATE Pothole Patrol. This new and edgy programming decision puts reporters on the front line of danger, often having to drive directly over potholes in order to secure a position to report on…

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Bruce Pearl’s sweat rumored to bring miracles

Posted on February 24, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

In Coach Pearl we trust? Over the past few months, stories have begun to circulate regarding the miraculous powers of Tennessee Basketball coach Bruce Pearl’s sweat. Although the specific properties of this miracle fluid have not been analyzed, believers say the facts speak for themselves. Just by being in the presence of Pearl’s sweat: Thousands…

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Bode Miller accepts spokesperson contract with Knoxville Bolt & Screw, Inc.

Posted on February 22, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

After a spectacularly disappointing performance at the 2006 Winter Olympics, Bode Miller has quickly accepted the only advertising contract to come his way. Bode will be the first official spokesperson of Knoxville Bolt & Screw, Inc., a distributor of bolts, turnbuckles, screws, nuts and fasteners. When asked why he accepted the offer with such a…

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Bode Miller accepts spokesperson contract with Knoxville Bolt & Screw, Inc.

Posted on February 22, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

After a spectacularly disappointing performance at the 2006 Winter Olympics, Bode Miller has quickly accepted the only advertising contract to come his way. Bode will be the first official spokesperson of Knoxville Bolt & Screw, Inc., a distributor of bolts, turnbuckles, screws, nuts and fasteners. When asked why he accepted the offer with such a…

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Yemeni company to operate Port of Knoxville

Posted on February 21, 2006 by Bjorn Knoxley

Last month, Jihad Oil, Gas, and Ports Ltd., a company based in Sana’a in the Republic of Yemen, bought Holston Gases in downtown Knoxville. The Bush administration encouraged the purchase as part of its Homeland Security measures, and ensures the public that this is such a good idea, the company should be allowed to manage…

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