After realizing the incredible popularity of his coughing COVID-19/Omicron speech, President Biden announced he will soon release a Christmas track. “The dogs barking that beloved Christma…oh yeah, we can’t say Christmas…that holiday song ‘Jingle…something,’ and you know, the cats that do the same thing but with meows, I want to do that too,” he announced…
The Watsons were excited. They were attending their first concert since the COVID-19 lockdowns expired. Around two weeks before the date of the show, the venue changed their rules to require either vaccination cards or a negative COVID test to attend. With four kids, attending any sort of public event is already stressful. The Watsons…
If you are tired of feeling selfish about your reaction to the virus, or anything else for that matter, we can confirm that wearing a mask is the best way to stop feeling or being selfish. If you cover your face with an uncomfortable piece of cloth, not only will you not be protected whatsoever…
While the media and congress are distracted by the impeachment trial, Trump is taking the opportunity to further stamp his style on the White House. In what some are calling a “daring move,” Trump is set to redecorate the Lincoln Bedroom in the “Farm House” style while nobody is paying attention. The key to this…
In newly released recordings, Donald Trump was overheard lauding his guilty pleasure, lamb fries. In the 1994 recording, Trump was overheard discussing his obsession with Knoxville Mayor Bill Haslam. Knoxpatch.com has acquired exclusive transcripts of the conversation: Haslam: “So, Donald. What do you think about these Petro’s?” Trump: “Well, they’re pretty good. I do like…
Ahead of their major announcement coming Tuesday, Wikileaks exclusively previewed several of the more interesting findings with Knoxpatch.com today. Through email, Julian Assange shared a list of the damning information with us. In 1996, Hillary Clinton failed to tip the roller skating girl who delivered food at a Sonic Restaurant. She also has never tipped…
This week, news emerged that Randy Burleson, owner of Knoxville favorites Aubrey’s and Bistro By The Tracks, has purchased Old City’s standout, The Crown and Goose restaurant. Many theories flew around social media as to what will become of The Crown and Goose now that Executive Chef Jeffrey DeAlejandro will no longer be guiding the…
Knoxville native Maynard Britain, who announced several months ago he was planning to go through with assisted suicide in response to his terminal illness, has admitted it was a hoax. “I really do have a brain tumor,” he said in his issued statement, “that is true. I’m still going to die. But I was never…
As the polls opened for early voting across Tennessee yesterday, all eyes were on the ballot initiatives, especially Amendment 2. Pro-abortion groups are eagerly anticipating passage of the first-of-its kind constitutional amendment that will encourage ALL pregnant woman to consider abortion as an alternative to going through with their pregnancies. “Tennessee isn’t usually known for…
A new study indicates that the Tennessee Valley is shedding water at an alarming rate. If nothing is done to stop it, all water in the Tennessee Valley will soon enter the Tennessee River, the Ohio River, the Mississippi River, and finally the Gulf of Mexico, causing ocean levels to rise. The study, funded by…
With the unbridled success of the Meth Trail, which started last year across rural counties of East Tennessee, many county governments are looking to raise some much-needed revenue by promoting Meth Tourism. Meth, short for methamphetamine, is a drug preferred by rural, dysfunctional people with addictive personalities and a penchant for inbreeding. It is made…
After cracking down on so-called “head shops” for selling synthetic marijuana, the Knoxville Police Department and District Attorney General’s Office began cracking down on shops that sell other synthetic herbs. Each of the shops participated in the illicit sell or trade of synthetic oregano, thyme, parsley, and rosemary. “When food is prepared using these synthetic…
Amidst the controversy surrounding her uniquely high salary and bonus structure provided by Knoxville Tourism and Sports Corporation, Gloria Ray is expected to announce her resignation in the coming days.  Knoxville’s exploratory 2020/2024 Olympic Committee is rumored to have offered her a competitive salary to join their efforts.  Her new role will help jump-start Knoxville’s stalled efforts…
Sometime in early summer 2012, the Old Gringo Productions release of Victor Ashe: The Musical is set to debut at the Tennessee Theater. In development for nearly 5 years, the production tells the tale of Victor Ashe’s rise to fame and fortune as the Ambassador to Poland, set to the music of Queen. It chronicles…
Anonymous sources have confirmed that, if chosen as the Republican nominee for President, Mitt Romney will name Hillary Clinton as his VP running mate. “The implications of this move are astounding,” explained Republican strategist Burt Elefante. In order to secure Ms. Clinton on the ticket, Romney had to promise there was at least an 80%…