Currently viewing the category: "News"

Tennessee Valley shedding water at an alarming rate

On February 9, 2012 By

A new study indicates that the Tennessee Valley is shedding water at an alarming rate.  If nothing is done to stop it, all water in the Tennessee Valley will soon enter the Tennessee River, the Ohio River, the Mississippi River, and finally the Gulf of Mexico, causing ocean levels to rise.  The study, funded by [...]

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Chattanooga to be renamed ‘Chatlanta’

On February 8, 2012 By

It’s more than just talk. Chattanooga is to be renamed ‘Chatlanta’, becoming a suburb of Atlanta, GA. It all began with plans for Chattanooga to house Atlanta’s second airport. Now Chatlanta will house all the waste disposal facilities for both areas and have agreed to keep all the homeless in the greater Chatlanta area, making [...]

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Meth tourism gaining popularity in East Tennessee

On February 6, 2012 By

With the unbridled success of the Meth Trail, which started last year across rural counties of East Tennessee, many county governments are looking to raise some much-needed revenue by promoting Meth Tourism.

Meth, short for methamphetamine, is a drug preferred by rural, dysfunctional people with addictive personalities and a penchant for inbreeding.  It is made [...]

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Ten more shops closed for selling synthetic herbs

On February 3, 2012 By

After cracking down on so-called “head shops” for selling synthetic marijuana, the Knoxville Police Department and District Attorney General’s Office began cracking down on shops that sell other synthetic herbs.  Each of the shops participated in the illicit sell or trade of synthetic oregano, thyme, parsley, and rosemary.  “When food is prepared using these synthetic [...]

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New study proves Stacey Campfield isn’t a bad person, he just has a low IQ

On February 2, 2012 By

A new study shows that low IQ is linked to conservative beliefs and prejudice. Those with the lowest IQs tend to make poor public decisions that are harmful to those around them. This activity is being called the ‘Campfield Quotient’ and has a sliding scale that can be used to predict the likelihood of potentially harmful [...]

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Gloria Ray to step down from KTSC, take on Knoxville’s Olympic bid

On February 2, 2012 By

Amidst the controversy surrounding her uniquely high salary and bonus structure provided by Knoxville Tourism and Sports Corporation, Gloria Ray is expected to announce her resignation in the coming days.  Knoxville’s exploratory 2020/2024 Olympic Committee is rumored to have offered her a competitive salary to join their efforts.  Her new role will help jump-start Knoxville’s stalled efforts [...]

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Victor Ashe: The Musical set to debut

On February 1, 2012 By

Sometime in early summer 2012, the Old Gringo Productions release of Victor Ashe: The Musical is set to debut at the Tennessee Theater.  In development for nearly 5 years, the production tells the tale of Victor Ashe’s rise to fame and fortune as the Ambassador to Poland, set to the music of Queen.  It chronicles [...]

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Stacey Campfield still welcome in some Knoxville restaurants

On January 30, 2012 By

Based on the news yesterday that Stacey Campfield was denied service at a restaurant most Knoxvillians thought closed for good in 1986, astute Knoxpatch.com staff began calling other local eateries to check their policies on refusing service to customers of various levels of notoriety.  Bill Lockmith, manager of Ruth’s Chris Steak House, told us they [...]

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Burger Giant Burger King tests new home delivery in Tennessee

On January 25, 2012 By

Burger King is rolling out a new program for home delivery. “We have new technology that will keep your burger and fries warm while being delivered,” states the King.

Folks are asking why Tennessee? “Tennessee has our largest target demographic, closest to our locations,” says the King, “With only a 10 mile delivery area, we [...]

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Oak Ridge Mall set to become world’s largest climate controlled storage facility

On December 30, 2011 By

Oak Ridge officials claim the closure of Sears in the Oak Ridge Mall is just the silver lining in a cloud they’ve been looking for. “Our long-term plan for the space has been to create the world’s largest climate controlled storage facility,” explains Mark Watson, Oak Ridge City Manager. “We have an aging population, and [...]

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