Walmart to open Southern Baptist churches inside of Superstores


A part of Walmart’s continuing effort to regulate the morality of the American public, the retail giant announced today that it will be opening Southern Baptist Churches in each of it’s 2500 superstore locations. The flagship church location will at the Super Walmart on Walker Springs here in Knoxville.

When the church at opens July 1, patrons (or parishioners, as they will now be called) will be able to buy groceries, have an oil change and get right with the Lord in one shopping trip.

According to company spokesman Vernon Tyree, the church addition is a natural for the retailer.

“At Walmart we take our responsibility to the American public very seriously. We realize that not everyone has the intellect or moral fiber of Sam Walton, our founder. We need to make decisions for the public good, including what music people should listen to, what magazines they should read and how they should worship”, Tyree stated.

He also noted that the churches will carry the Sam’s Choice brand name, and will be open 24 hours a day, 365 days per year.