On the heels of voting to increase the CEO’s base salary by nearly half a million dollars, the TVA board quickly noticed that recent rate increases will not completely cover the increased salary. As a stopgap to prevent the bleeding of cash, they voted in an emergency plan that calls for burning the elderly to…

Knox County poll workers usually are patient, friendly people. However, due to the large amount of fingerprints on the not-touchscreen voting machines, lately some poll workers are starting to get agitated with all the cleaning they have to do. “I mean, really, can’t they tell by the dial that the big, friendly screen is not…

As the daily polls are coming in showing an ever-growing Obama landslide, the campaign of John McCain has gone beyond desperation to make up the difference. Selecting a hot female running mate proved ineffective and bringing up Obama’s Marxist and socialist background has failed to make a dent. After the two Tennessee boys they hired…

A bit disillusioned, Scott Gordy recently cancelled his Twitter account after only two months of use. “It sounded so cool when other people talked about it, but then almost nobody followed me. Then I realized just how little folks cared about what I was up to. Posting messages about when I ate lunch and what…

Pilot today announced that quarterly gougings earnings exceeded expectations, allowing them to buy out Marathon and acquire a 47.5 percent interest in Pilot Travel Centers. Although it is unknown what impact this will have on gas prices, ICEE prices are expected to double overnight.

After intense debate, a bipartisan effort has moved forward in the House to utilize bailout monies where they can have the most impact. Rather than waste energies on bad loans, an untold some has been directed to bailing UT Athletics out of its current coaching situation. By paying off Phil Fulmer, it’s expected that UT…

Tennessee-based Check Into Cash has stepped in to save ailing GreenBank by offering bank owners a buyout package. According to representatives from Check Into Cash, the customers will have a few new policies to adjust to, but the transition should be relatively smooth. Each time clients cash a check, they will have one week to…

After the University of Tennessee Volunteers and Coach Fulmer received a well-earned beating today, it was noticed that a sole Volunteer supporter stayed in the stands until the end of the game. Although this isn’t news, it is clearly more exciting than anything that took place on the field.

In the past year, Knoxville has gone from 79th to 60th on the list of best-cities. When asked what would be needed to move Knoxville into the top 50, a member of the California think tank that provides the rankings stated that, “It should be fairly simple for Knoxville to move forward, you simply need…

Refinery outages along the Gulf coast in the wake of Hurricane Gustav have caused problems at several refineries. Misinterpreting this to include sugar refineries, thousands of baking and snacking enthusiasts have descended upon the grocery stores. “Knoxville has been out of marshmallow creme for days, and that’s just the start of it. We’ve been buying…

Rumors are circulating that Fox and Farmer, a prominent Knoxville law firm that fell for a scam promising a 60% rate of return for mailing money out of state, has fallen prey to yet another scam. Sources say that they have invested heavily in a series of ocean front real estate developments throughout the state…

Maryville College’s student body is in for several changes this fall, as environmental initiatives expand. As reported by the Knoxville News Sentinel, one of the first steps in this initiative was to remove trays from the dining area to cut waste. The biggest change yet, announced this morning, is the elimination of all desks from…

The recent filming of an X-rated video in a park somewhere in Bartlett, Tennessee would have raised eyebrows in the past. However, the fact that a “tramp” exposes herself on a playground has been deemed higher quality viewing than “Outsiders Inn” from CMT. According to the Parents Television Council, at least the X-rated video shows…

Religious authorities in Halls, Tennessee have begun the search for a girl who could be as young as nine or ten to serve as the new Kumari, or the virgin “living goddess”, in a centuries-old tradition to elevate one young girl each decade above the socioeconomic status at which she was born into. The process…

An unnamed Knoxville attorney and Boss Hogg impersonator has requested that all candidates for 2008 elections undergo sex testing. For weeks now, members of a special ‘genital committee’ have been designing a special laboratory to determine the sex of any candidates taking part in this year’s election. “Suspected candidates will be evaluated from their external…